Sure fire way to not feel sad anymore: Turn that sadness into anger
Stop bringing me things. Stop buying me things. Don’t fix anything, leave it alone, leave it on the table. Pour out the tea you brought me. Leave the jacket on your shoulders. Don’t cook me dinner; I will throw it up. Buy me a book and I’ll burn it. Bring me chocolates and I’ll drop them into the toilet one by one by one. You have to touch me. Make me feel close to God. Peel open my eyes and break my spine with the weight of it. If you want to bring me a gift, bring me the moon. You want to fix something, fix my lunacy. My misanthropy. Understand me. Fuck me. Pull my hair and make my mascara run. Call me princess in front of your friends. Slap my ass. Scratch Sanskrit into my back with your fingernails. Burn my tongue on sweet sage, light my skin on fire. You want to give me something, give me salvation.
I know I’m supposed to miss you like a friend misses a friend; intermittently. But I will miss you like a fish in a bucket misses the embrace of the ocean; desperately. Convulsively.
Had to wash a vomit stained shirt three times to get the smell out ha ha ha ya ya hashtag freshman year
Wow I’m in love and it fucking sucks
I swear to you that I will get you home. I will keep your feet alive. I will keep you beating, buzzing, charged with heat. When you are on your knees, I will help you crawl. To the toilet, to the bed, to the end of the Earth: I swear to you. When you break your own heart I will drape your heavy lids with sleep; when the boy holds you for the last time I will help you memorize every scar on his forearms; I will keep memories like old polaroids; I will date each one and name the album after him. When you can’t bare it any longer, when you are half bent, half twisted on the floor, when you’re bleeding and you don’t know why, I will let you forget. Some unimaginable morning you will wake to find your life dressed in easy morning sunlight. You’ll wake to happiness. I will be there, still. I will love you, still. I swear to you.
Today when I was on clean side at work you made sure to smile at me when you walked by because you know it’s my least favorite job. You tucked my hair back into my hat when it was in my mouth and all over my face and I couldn’t fix it because I had on clean gloves. You filled my water cup and brought me raspberry chiffon pudding from the kitchen because I needed a sugar boost. I like the way you take care of me in little ways. I like knowing that I can count on you.
